[Pushing off the wall with her foot, Araceli takes a seat and leans so her hair is in her face, a cheap tactic but she can look up and through it, not so easy for someone to do things the other way unless they know her. If this had been Skyhold the rumours and chatter would be in her lap; every third day she'd report the tavern talk back so making the rounds with the scouts as much as the soldiers and the merchants and any other person willing to sit to drink, gamble and while away their night into the small hours with her was a job just as much as it was habit.
Letting Korrin say her whole piece before she even says a word, she still sits very quietly first. Slotting all the pieces into place that she can before she sits up as part of her back pops loudly in the quiet with only the few waves lapping at the hull to break it.]
Korrin you might not like me saying this but someone should and I'm used to looking at things from as many angles to get in and out without getting myself caught or hurt and I'm not going to apologise for it. [Araceli apologises when she means it, only makes promises she can keep. If saying a hard thing or looking at this just so they're absolutely sure upsets Korrin but helps later in their journey then so be it, she'll say it.] Are you sure? Boys and girls grow differently, and for many there comes a time or a reason for them to be away from people close to them. After all that happened to him, to be in Kirkwall is no small thing when people who look like you or him or Taashath aren't exactly welcomed with open arms.
What do you know about this-- this Cole? How could he possibly know these things? There's listening to the rumours, watching, observing, putting the pieces together but that? That seems… [Too convenient, that's what Araceli wants to say, wants to reach through a rift and drag Nerissa here by the arm to have her tell Korrin the story of the demons that require masks and shared names to be the norm where she calls home.
Sensing Araceli's mood, Lux comes over to sling himself mostly into her lap until she hoists him the rest of the way, fingers in his fur.]
Taashath says it's possible but you could be jumping to conclusions. There's a project to seek stronger ties and alliances with those in the north because the Inquisition can't stand alone, unpopular as that might make us here. Moving here...a lot of people are re-examining their priorities, I think.
[The apology is met with a nod, Korrin understanding Araceli's way of thinking and why she would be using it. So she can't take it personally, and the skepticism has her heartily wishing she could buy into it. Damn Cole. She draws in a deep, shaky breath, listening to all that is said without interruption, though she comes close a couple of times. But she doesn't, trying to see her kadan's perspective. How could she herself react if told such a tale?]
No, I'm not completely sure. You're right, I could be jumping to conclusions. Andraste's ass, I hope I am so Kas could just be Kas and not a Qunari plaything. But it's not just Taas; my parents told me about the Ben-Hassrath, and that's absolutely the sort of shit they would pull. Iron Bull was an overt spy, but they'd never rely on only one. To them, the Qun is all that matters. You know what doesn't matter? Children and the ethics of mind-wiping them to use as weapons. [Her voice trembles in sorrow and anger as she speaks, needing a moment to focus on Lux's fluffy self before she can simmer down.]
As for Cole...from what I've gathered, he senses pain somehow. That helps him with his role as Compassion, just like how other spirits have skills that help them in their roles. Spirit Healers can probably explain it better, since they work with one all the time. If you're asking me if he's a demon, I trained enough to know the difference. That isn't to say that we're besties, or that I want him hanging around announcing shit all the time, but I think for his part that he was being sincere...which makes it worse.
[And as a rule she tends to avoid even benign spirits, not comfortable with the lot of them. The fact that one has her attention now is not a comfortable experience for her, but she can't deny that he could have a point.]
...I think there's way to prove or disprove all this, but we'll need Sam. Sam treated Kas' headaches and blackouts with Fortitude's help, months ago. [She winces.] Fuck, was that another sign that I missed? Blackouts and lost time? Anyway, if he's truly...not Kas anymore, I think they would be able to figure it out since they already have something to compare it to. But he'd have to be discreet; if I am right, then Taas is right too and Kas would do anything to keep his cover.
[Would this be easier if Thedas were her home, if certain truths could be more easily accepted as part of the fabric of life? Perhaps. Perhaps not. It might always be a part of her nature to hold them up to the light critically from each and every angle to see how it bends and twists through it.]
Things like that aren't possible where I come from unless a person injures themselves dramatically or old age takes them. [Araceli says it quietly but it's to remind Korrin: this is not my home, I need to know what I can.] Are there not other races who are a part of the Qun in some shape? He's young but he stands out. An elf, better yet a human? No one looks too long at them compared to someone grey with horns, at least a head taller than someone else their age and more. [Since it's just her and Korrin, she does give in and rub her face, lips pursed in irritation not at Korrin but at the grander scheme of things. None of this is good and of course she's worried and upset but one of the two of them has to try to keep a level head and that'll be her.
Especially if anything goes from bad to worse.]
You're trusting a spirit. [Araceli just. She lets it sit. There are things she believes in, trusts in, holds dear to her heart but spirits walk an uneasy line sometimes when no one can give her a satisfactory answer to questions about them. Steadily creeping closer to two years in Thedas and still she won't let someone heal her with magic lest it change her too greatly, the thought of working so closely with spirits doesn't thrill her.] Does he know Kas? There's a lot of pain in Kirkwall, a lot of it old and we all arrived and started poking and clawing at it all again.
Stop, what do you mean he'd do anything to keep his cover? You have to be very sure and have at least a solid back-up plan, Sam and Taashath are close, no? Anything to keep his cover is already putting at least four people in the line of fire. [Spirits she doesn't know don't count.] I care about him but I love you, sirena, you need to tell me what that part means.
[That reminder is helpful; Korrin's so lost in her panic and despair that she doesn't think to elaborate as perhaps she should. Even if Araceli were a native, there's a lot about the Qun she wouldn't know unless she were a convert. Korrin herself only knows enough to tell why she should always keep them at a distance. Reaching up for that dragon's tooth seems to calm her, at least a little.]
Oh, they definitely have viddathari around; Qunari converts, most likely elves seeking a better life whether they actually get it or not. They'd be less visible, sure, but there would be benefits to a Qun-raised Qunari spy, too. One raised from the beginning to pull off their operations? Yeah, they wouldn't pass that up.
[She looks down, shoulders slumping at the thought. If it is true, then Kas never had a chance.] I trust that Cole's being sincere; I don't really know that I'd trust him for anything else. Spirits don't see the world as we do; that can have benefits, but it can also be a huge problem. I don't think we can involve him further, anyway.
[Which means they need other people. She bites her lip, her gaze reluctantly meeting Araceli's for this more difficult answer.] Taas is sure that he would absolutely kill and worse to keep his cover; Qunari spies are trained to be utterly ruthless and single-minded. But we can't just leave this alone; people could die if we don't. [All that's very true, but her voice trembles as she hits on what's truly in her heart.] Kas -the Kas I know- is family, and I'll do anything to keep it that way. If he can be saved, we owe him that. But first we need another pair of eyes, to confirm what Cole felt. A Spirit Healer can give us that.
...this is why I need you, kadan. I-I can't think straight, not when it comes to the kid and Qunari shit and...all this. You know my first instinct is always to rush right in; that's not going to cut it, in this case. Taas is right, it has to be treated delicately or it'll explode. We need to make this work, somehow.
Viddathari. [A clumsy word in Araceli's mouth. Qunlat more straightforward than most of the other tongues but something about learning it now makes her stumble over it.] How much of what he ever told me was a lie? I thought I always knew when someone was lying to my face - if what you're saying is true...
[She doesn't want to think it's true. Hurtful as it would be, it would be simpler and easier to have it be a teenage boy choosing to carve his own path she thinks as she allows Lux to press his face up under her chin.]
He's already involved. He knows. You say spirits don't see the world as we do, how can you be sure how far it would spread or not? Would a spirit understand the same necessities as you or I? A bigger picture, that there are politics and lives and stakes? [Araceli's voice climbs but there's an irrational itch in her mind that has her curling her left hand because-- because it has a thing not a part of her, a thing that's the Fade, a thing that's connected to spirits and demons in some way.
(And there was a boy, wasn't there? In Skyhold once there was a boy who said something about more and connections and the song but her head hurts to remember it.)]
People could die if we do. [There isn't a pleasure in stating it as she reaches out with her right hand for Korrin but some part of her, the selfish part most likely, the part that does resent Thedas, resents being part of this war that's fed by a need for pettiness and spite and blood and people who cannot put their bitterness and vendettas aside and move on, doomed to repeat the past again and again and again drives it. The apology is on her face.]
The way I see this we have two options for part of it. You either tell people your suspicions which can allow for the possibility of it getting out not because they would talk but there is still that but because you cannot ever guarantee that there aren't ears though people knowing would mean they would know what to look for. But they would perhaps be at more risk if Kas learned. If they didn't know then they might not know exactly what to look for but it might not be seen as them putting him at risk. Though it might be betraying their trust anyway to put them at risk. I don't know. I don't know enough about the Qun and how it operates to understand it entirely but the more people that know a secret, the less safe it is.
[Korrin holds onto that right hand as thought it's a lifeline. Right now, her kadan is the reason she's not completely falling apart. As much as her heart aches and she isn't sure when it's ever going to stop, the fact that she can count on Araceli for the unvarnished truth is exactly she needs right now.
She lowers her head and sighs.]
Dammit. I'll have to ask Cole if he's told anyone else. That's not something he needs to be spreading around, but he disappeared on me -literally- before I could ask.
That's what I keep thinking; either they remain ignorant and are fine for now, but could -literally- blow up in their faces later...or I tell them, and their lack of bard or Ben-Hassrath training makes them vulnerable. I don't want to put anyone at risk, or get Kas in trouble if this is something we can....
[...override, fix? How can they possibly fix this? There's a choked sound from her that attempts amusement but is more of a sob than anything else.]
That's the thing; Kas wasn't lying, that's what he knew to be the truth. That's what Qunari brainwashing can do, make you think you're a whole other person. He almost called me 'mom' once...and now I'm just a 'dangerous thing'. A saarebas.
Tell. Not ask. Explicitly tell so he- it- he? So Cole understands why this is to be kept close to the chest. This isn't the sort of thing that is to be lanced so the body heals. [Fumbling over what you call a spirit - spirits tend to be something very different in the books or the way the healers talk about them, and no matter how they're discussed in Rivain, she still doesn't think that letting Cole go about with free reign to something this damaging is a good idea.
(Cole being able to just know pain...no. She shuts a line of thought down hard.)]
You could get yourself in trouble too. It would be a way to remove you from the picture, if Kas plays it smarter than we're giving him credit for at the moment. [Korrin being hurt isn't an option, Korrin being locked up or discredited or anything her mind is starting to conjure right now as she fights to stop her hand squeezing so tight it becomes painful and desperate instead of reassuring.] The Qunari too will not want to lose another agent.
[A dirty tactic but she isn't above them.]
Take off the mask and the mask is still your face. So. No Taashath. Ask him whatever questions you need if you still have them and if I have any of my own I will ask them of him as carefully as I can then we do not ask him a single thing after that because he is too obvious and he was part of the Qun. Too much of a risk. You will somehow get hold of this Cole and will tell him to keep his damned mouth shut about other people. With Sam...we can go together. Something about his fellow scouts and a girl, say we are worried but that we don't wish it to reflect when there is someone new in charge of him.
[It's something. Bare bones. But the words are there and they can figure them out better when the shock has worn off.]
He called me demon once. Then I was his friend. Not all doors are locked forever.
I really hope that's true this time, kadan. I just...I can't think of him as lost to us.
[Araceli will have to squeeze a lot harder to get Korrin let go, as fear mingles with grief and she wonders just how she can protect the person who was Kas from everyone else. Taas, Sam...the thought of either of them coming to harm because of her twists her stomach, not to mention her kadan. She worked herself up into a panic based on that alone, the less rational part of herself nearly calling Araceli back to say nevermind, it was nothing. Though really, there was no keeping this from Araceli. Even if she thought that was best, the former queensguard and bard would have realized something was wrong the moment their eyes met.]
Taas said he would do some digging, though he didn't specify and I didn't ask. He never interacted with the kid that much, but you're not wrong, there are too few of our kind in the Inquisition for him to keep a low profile, even here. If he has something we can use, we take it...and he'll understand about keeping out of the rest, I'm sure. I hated asking him in the first place; he didn't leave that shit only to get dragged back in.
[But with no one else with Qun experience at hand, asking him had been inevitable. No more, though. Araceli's warning can't be in vain and Taas can't come to harm because she was being a panicky idiot. She nods at mention of Cole, making a mental note to seek him out as soon as she's calm enough. When that will be, who knows.]
So...Cole, Sam, and then we'll go from there. That's the start of something. Hopefully, Kas isn't up to anything other than watching and we'll have time to figure things out. The last thing we need is him speeding up a time-table because of us.
[Between a Qunari agent and a bunch of viddathari, whose identities aren't even known yet, they could do a lot of damage. Thank the Maker they at least have a common threat to keep their focus elsewhere...for now. And yet, she looks drained rather than reassured. Nothing will feel right for a long time.]
[Letting go of Korrin's hand, Araceli gives the fox a gentle push that he complies with, picking up on her tone and that this isn't a time to try to play games with his mistress, not ow. There isn't much more she can think to say now that isn't really agreeing to the plan as they've set it out just now, or whatever bare bones they've sketched out as she crosses to Korrin's side.
Standing, she can tuck Korrin's head under her chin if she's mindful of her horns and how she stands, something she couldn't do if she was kneeling and any other time it's like that. No matter who's being comforted, if they're standing, Korrin will always be taller and Araceli will always be tucked against her. Now she can gather her up, pull her as close as she wants, murmuring nonsense, rubbing her neck, her shoulders, dropping a kiss against her forehead.]
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Letting Korrin say her whole piece before she even says a word, she still sits very quietly first. Slotting all the pieces into place that she can before she sits up as part of her back pops loudly in the quiet with only the few waves lapping at the hull to break it.]
Korrin you might not like me saying this but someone should and I'm used to looking at things from as many angles to get in and out without getting myself caught or hurt and I'm not going to apologise for it. [Araceli apologises when she means it, only makes promises she can keep. If saying a hard thing or looking at this just so they're absolutely sure upsets Korrin but helps later in their journey then so be it, she'll say it.] Are you sure? Boys and girls grow differently, and for many there comes a time or a reason for them to be away from people close to them. After all that happened to him, to be in Kirkwall is no small thing when people who look like you or him or Taashath aren't exactly welcomed with open arms.
What do you know about this-- this Cole? How could he possibly know these things? There's listening to the rumours, watching, observing, putting the pieces together but that? That seems… [Too convenient, that's what Araceli wants to say, wants to reach through a rift and drag Nerissa here by the arm to have her tell Korrin the story of the demons that require masks and shared names to be the norm where she calls home.
Sensing Araceli's mood, Lux comes over to sling himself mostly into her lap until she hoists him the rest of the way, fingers in his fur.]
Taashath says it's possible but you could be jumping to conclusions. There's a project to seek stronger ties and alliances with those in the north because the Inquisition can't stand alone, unpopular as that might make us here. Moving here...a lot of people are re-examining their priorities, I think.
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No, I'm not completely sure. You're right, I could be jumping to conclusions. Andraste's ass, I hope I am so Kas could just be Kas and not a Qunari plaything. But it's not just Taas; my parents told me about the Ben-Hassrath, and that's absolutely the sort of shit they would pull. Iron Bull was an overt spy, but they'd never rely on only one. To them, the Qun is all that matters. You know what doesn't matter? Children and the ethics of mind-wiping them to use as weapons. [Her voice trembles in sorrow and anger as she speaks, needing a moment to focus on Lux's fluffy self before she can simmer down.]
As for Cole...from what I've gathered, he senses pain somehow. That helps him with his role as Compassion, just like how other spirits have skills that help them in their roles. Spirit Healers can probably explain it better, since they work with one all the time. If you're asking me if he's a demon, I trained enough to know the difference. That isn't to say that we're besties, or that I want him hanging around announcing shit all the time, but I think for his part that he was being sincere...which makes it worse.
[And as a rule she tends to avoid even benign spirits, not comfortable with the lot of them. The fact that one has her attention now is not a comfortable experience for her, but she can't deny that he could have a point.]
...I think there's way to prove or disprove all this, but we'll need Sam. Sam treated Kas' headaches and blackouts with Fortitude's help, months ago. [She winces.] Fuck, was that another sign that I missed? Blackouts and lost time? Anyway, if he's truly...not Kas anymore, I think they would be able to figure it out since they already have something to compare it to. But he'd have to be discreet; if I am right, then Taas is right too and Kas would do anything to keep his cover.
Maker, I'm going to throw up....
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Things like that aren't possible where I come from unless a person injures themselves dramatically or old age takes them. [Araceli says it quietly but it's to remind Korrin: this is not my home, I need to know what I can.] Are there not other races who are a part of the Qun in some shape? He's young but he stands out. An elf, better yet a human? No one looks too long at them compared to someone grey with horns, at least a head taller than someone else their age and more. [Since it's just her and Korrin, she does give in and rub her face, lips pursed in irritation not at Korrin but at the grander scheme of things. None of this is good and of course she's worried and upset but one of the two of them has to try to keep a level head and that'll be her.
Especially if anything goes from bad to worse.]
You're trusting a spirit. [Araceli just. She lets it sit. There are things she believes in, trusts in, holds dear to her heart but spirits walk an uneasy line sometimes when no one can give her a satisfactory answer to questions about them. Steadily creeping closer to two years in Thedas and still she won't let someone heal her with magic lest it change her too greatly, the thought of working so closely with spirits doesn't thrill her.] Does he know Kas? There's a lot of pain in Kirkwall, a lot of it old and we all arrived and started poking and clawing at it all again.
Stop, what do you mean he'd do anything to keep his cover? You have to be very sure and have at least a solid back-up plan, Sam and Taashath are close, no? Anything to keep his cover is already putting at least four people in the line of fire. [Spirits she doesn't know don't count.] I care about him but I love you, sirena, you need to tell me what that part means.
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Oh, they definitely have viddathari around; Qunari converts, most likely elves seeking a better life whether they actually get it or not. They'd be less visible, sure, but there would be benefits to a Qun-raised Qunari spy, too. One raised from the beginning to pull off their operations? Yeah, they wouldn't pass that up.
[She looks down, shoulders slumping at the thought. If it is true, then Kas never had a chance.] I trust that Cole's being sincere; I don't really know that I'd trust him for anything else. Spirits don't see the world as we do; that can have benefits, but it can also be a huge problem. I don't think we can involve him further, anyway.
[Which means they need other people. She bites her lip, her gaze reluctantly meeting Araceli's for this more difficult answer.] Taas is sure that he would absolutely kill and worse to keep his cover; Qunari spies are trained to be utterly ruthless and single-minded. But we can't just leave this alone; people could die if we don't. [All that's very true, but her voice trembles as she hits on what's truly in her heart.] Kas -the Kas I know- is family, and I'll do anything to keep it that way. If he can be saved, we owe him that. But first we need another pair of eyes, to confirm what Cole felt. A Spirit Healer can give us that.
...this is why I need you, kadan. I-I can't think straight, not when it comes to the kid and Qunari shit and...all this. You know my first instinct is always to rush right in; that's not going to cut it, in this case. Taas is right, it has to be treated delicately or it'll explode. We need to make this work, somehow.
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[She doesn't want to think it's true. Hurtful as it would be, it would be simpler and easier to have it be a teenage boy choosing to carve his own path she thinks as she allows Lux to press his face up under her chin.]
He's already involved. He knows. You say spirits don't see the world as we do, how can you be sure how far it would spread or not? Would a spirit understand the same necessities as you or I? A bigger picture, that there are politics and lives and stakes? [Araceli's voice climbs but there's an irrational itch in her mind that has her curling her left hand because-- because it has a thing not a part of her, a thing that's the Fade, a thing that's connected to spirits and demons in some way.
(And there was a boy, wasn't there? In Skyhold once there was a boy who said something about more and connections and the song but her head hurts to remember it.)]
People could die if we do. [There isn't a pleasure in stating it as she reaches out with her right hand for Korrin but some part of her, the selfish part most likely, the part that does resent Thedas, resents being part of this war that's fed by a need for pettiness and spite and blood and people who cannot put their bitterness and vendettas aside and move on, doomed to repeat the past again and again and again drives it. The apology is on her face.]
The way I see this we have two options for part of it. You either tell people your suspicions which can allow for the possibility of it getting out not because they would talk but there is still that but because you cannot ever guarantee that there aren't ears though people knowing would mean they would know what to look for. But they would perhaps be at more risk if Kas learned. If they didn't know then they might not know exactly what to look for but it might not be seen as them putting him at risk. Though it might be betraying their trust anyway to put them at risk. I don't know. I don't know enough about the Qun and how it operates to understand it entirely but the more people that know a secret, the less safe it is.
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She lowers her head and sighs.]
Dammit. I'll have to ask Cole if he's told anyone else. That's not something he needs to be spreading around, but he disappeared on me -literally- before I could ask.
That's what I keep thinking; either they remain ignorant and are fine for now, but could -literally- blow up in their faces later...or I tell them, and their lack of bard or Ben-Hassrath training makes them vulnerable. I don't want to put anyone at risk, or get Kas in trouble if this is something we can....
[...override, fix? How can they possibly fix this? There's a choked sound from her that attempts amusement but is more of a sob than anything else.]
That's the thing; Kas wasn't lying, that's what he knew to be the truth. That's what Qunari brainwashing can do, make you think you're a whole other person. He almost called me 'mom' once...and now I'm just a 'dangerous thing'. A saarebas.
...fuck.
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(Cole being able to just know pain...no. She shuts a line of thought down hard.)]
You could get yourself in trouble too. It would be a way to remove you from the picture, if Kas plays it smarter than we're giving him credit for at the moment. [Korrin being hurt isn't an option, Korrin being locked up or discredited or anything her mind is starting to conjure right now as she fights to stop her hand squeezing so tight it becomes painful and desperate instead of reassuring.] The Qunari too will not want to lose another agent.
[A dirty tactic but she isn't above them.]
Take off the mask and the mask is still your face. So. No Taashath. Ask him whatever questions you need if you still have them and if I have any of my own I will ask them of him as carefully as I can then we do not ask him a single thing after that because he is too obvious and he was part of the Qun. Too much of a risk. You will somehow get hold of this Cole and will tell him to keep his damned mouth shut about other people. With Sam...we can go together. Something about his fellow scouts and a girl, say we are worried but that we don't wish it to reflect when there is someone new in charge of him.
[It's something. Bare bones. But the words are there and they can figure them out better when the shock has worn off.]
He called me demon once. Then I was his friend. Not all doors are locked forever.
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[Araceli will have to squeeze a lot harder to get Korrin let go, as fear mingles with grief and she wonders just how she can protect the person who was Kas from everyone else. Taas, Sam...the thought of either of them coming to harm because of her twists her stomach, not to mention her kadan. She worked herself up into a panic based on that alone, the less rational part of herself nearly calling Araceli back to say nevermind, it was nothing. Though really, there was no keeping this from Araceli. Even if she thought that was best, the former queensguard and bard would have realized something was wrong the moment their eyes met.]
Taas said he would do some digging, though he didn't specify and I didn't ask. He never interacted with the kid that much, but you're not wrong, there are too few of our kind in the Inquisition for him to keep a low profile, even here. If he has something we can use, we take it...and he'll understand about keeping out of the rest, I'm sure. I hated asking him in the first place; he didn't leave that shit only to get dragged back in.
[But with no one else with Qun experience at hand, asking him had been inevitable. No more, though. Araceli's warning can't be in vain and Taas can't come to harm because she was being a panicky idiot. She nods at mention of Cole, making a mental note to seek him out as soon as she's calm enough. When that will be, who knows.]
So...Cole, Sam, and then we'll go from there. That's the start of something. Hopefully, Kas isn't up to anything other than watching and we'll have time to figure things out. The last thing we need is him speeding up a time-table because of us.
[Between a Qunari agent and a bunch of viddathari, whose identities aren't even known yet, they could do a lot of damage. Thank the Maker they at least have a common threat to keep their focus elsewhere...for now. And yet, she looks drained rather than reassured. Nothing will feel right for a long time.]
...can you just hold me for a while, first?
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[Letting go of Korrin's hand, Araceli gives the fox a gentle push that he complies with, picking up on her tone and that this isn't a time to try to play games with his mistress, not ow. There isn't much more she can think to say now that isn't really agreeing to the plan as they've set it out just now, or whatever bare bones they've sketched out as she crosses to Korrin's side.
Standing, she can tuck Korrin's head under her chin if she's mindful of her horns and how she stands, something she couldn't do if she was kneeling and any other time it's like that. No matter who's being comforted, if they're standing, Korrin will always be taller and Araceli will always be tucked against her. Now she can gather her up, pull her as close as she wants, murmuring nonsense, rubbing her neck, her shoulders, dropping a kiss against her forehead.]
Te tengo a tí, sirena