ooc: inbox/plot with me

[foxsays]

{sending crystal | notes & letters | personal visits}

Note: I work Mon-Fri and I'm basically away 11 hours a day but I do tags in gdocs and I try to do a round a night. Timezone is GMT.

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[foxsays]

And I am telling you that there are things a child does: she sits on her father's knee, picks up dice, rolls them in a cup and tips them over before she learns that her father plays at it because everyone at his table leans very close, and if she spots a lie there she spots it everywhere. [Talking about home like this isn't comfortable. Her voice won't stay level.] A little girl doesn't know why her mother paints her face but she'll still sit behind her dresser every night, take up the brushes and do it too.

There is a thing I was taught by someone dear. [Does that give her away? That hitch? That pause that feels like a little betrayal here and now like this.] About learning to play their games so people never suspect, because it's easier to make your way through life when no one suspects. When you don't ever give them pause to do it.

So I say that you ask me these questions now, after I read that they were the called the Maker's First Children. I think of lessons I learnt before I ever knew they were lessons, things I do without thinking, easy as breathing. Taps his fingers when he lies, won't look at me in the face because she's embarrassed to be seen with someone like me. Across worlds they mean the same thing. Sting the same way. Same lesson, same way of learning them maybe.

[She has tried so very very hard to fit in here. But there was a painful question when she forgot-- This isn't easy and she doesn't know why it makes her feel so small.]

[rowancrowned]

[ gently, with a hint of regret: ] I did not mean to distress you.

[ he lets her words sit, processes them. empathizes, as best as he can. she knows, now, better than he does, to have realizes that this is it. they are here, for better or worse, and they must bend or break under the weight of it. make plans for permanence, sow their seeds, expect a harvest on all their deals and promises. ]

I do not think- [ no, that's not right. again: ] You have my suspicions, and I have your insight. I thank you for it.

[foxsays]

There are things I try not to talk about. I wouldn't want to give her those worries.

[Some things you share and fix. Other things you share and they sit there between you, growing larger, uglier, all teeth and claw. (Sometimes there are worries enough. And she likes her life here. Likes digging in her heels to fight to make it better even if she could throttle people with her exhaustion.)]

You're welcome. If you'll excuse me, I have some letters it's long past time I gave to where I always should have sent them to. [The sea is by her window. Why did she keep them all under her floorboards instead of giving them to it after all this time?]