foxsays | ooc: inbox/plot with me

Some part of me knows that, I swear. It's just seeing them inevitably decline and not being able to a damn thing about it. Asher, Sina...and now Thane shows up with red lyrium in him. That's going to be the most painful way to go, it's literally eating him up and...there's nothing we can do for him.

[She would give anything for Sina and Thane to at least be able to go peacefully, but that's not going to happen. The red lyrium is likely to drive Thane mad, it hurts more than she can say to just watch.]

You make the most of the time that you have. [Two years in and Araceli's hand hasn't done anything that others with marks have done. Natives, rifters, people who've been here or marked for less time than she has and they find themselves able to do things. If that's good or bad she doesn't know.] If he's here and he knows then-- then he knows. You can't change it. You talk when it hurts but there are things you have to swallow, to make you fight harder, to work against everything that's made those people hurt in the first place.

[Would she have said the same a year ago when her own grief was fresh? No. Probably not no. But you use what you have to hand and there's this.]

He's calmer about it than I'd expect anyone to be...for now, anyway. But that red lyrium will eat away at his sanity, too, sooner or later. He'll lose himself in it.

[No one corrupted keeps their mind intact, she's seen it with Red Templars and their victims. There's a sad almost-chuckle.]

If motivation is all it takes, then I'm set for life. Every time I'm out there on a mission, I see their faces and that anger at what should have been but isn't keeps me going. Out there, anyway. It's harder to hold onto that away from the action. But you're right, I can't change it. This isn't something I can blast to death. [Would that she could. Life as a mercenary was so much easier on that end.]

Maybe he's made his peace with it. Some people do when they know that they have only so much time left to them. You can't go second guessing him or his state of mind, that isn't fair to him or yourself, it'll show.

[Speaking of Leandra's father isn't fair but the prince consort's illness, the queen's abdication for her daughter: Araceli was young but still old enough that it all left an impression.]

If he needs a friend then be there. Listen. Sometimes you can tell when someone needs that nudge to talk but if he doesn't then let it be, believe me, lying awake picking at things you can't change doesn't do as much good as you tell yourself it does. [Korrin can't have missed that Araceli's done that more since coming to Kirkwall. For all that she's settled, life is different. Araceli's different. She wouldn't change it for anything but there's far more that has to be considered now that keeps her awake when she might otherwise be curled up peacefully.]

Red lyrium has more people working on it that do understand things compared to the shards. [Guilt creeps in. An old argument with Sina from the creation of the garden and all the ways the Inquisition never helped her as she lies dying: Korrin's friend is still going to die but they know more than they do about what someone else in their midst has been struggling with for two long years.]

...that's true, I don't have the right to tell him how to feel any more than I could with Asher or Sina. I'm just worried about when that peace will slip away, and what will happen to his state of mind then. [Red lyrium isn't peaceful, and she can only remember the agonized, frenzied faces of the Red Templars as their veins bulged with the substance. That would be Thane someday, wouldn't it?]

I've thought about adding that project before, switching out northern powers. [They have enough people for that, and it's never been her focus the way the naval project has.] If it happens now, you'll know why. I know there's no miracle cure on the horizon, but...if I'm going to dwell on this shit, I might as well do it productively.

[She falls silent for a moment, taking in a deep breath. When she speaks up again, she's a little more centered.] I can listen, and I can try not to lose sleep about it, but I hope to see you making the same effort, kadan. I know you've had your restless nights, too. We can try tackling them one night at a time, together. I want to be there for you, too.

People make plans. What's to say he hasn't made one for how he wants to go at the end? If he knows what's to come then you might not want to think about it but there are people that do make those plans. [A thief's mind is the one that goes to all the ways in, all the ways out, what do I do if someone catches me, how do I pull myself free. Becoming a bard has only expanded on those options besides, if he limits exposure then it might make it different.

All Templars have to take a ration of lyrium, to her mind it only makes sense that the Red Templars must if they need to keep mining more and more of it, moving it around the way that they do.]

Any weapon we have in our hand is a weapon the enemy doesn't so long as we remember to take care handling them. Any blade, any spell, anything at all can be turned back on a person. [For Araceli now that's a gentle warning but if she's going to drag out bodies the way that she has, wars and battles and tensions she hasn't been here for with other people then she can only give advice this way.

That's not a guarantee she'll listen to it. These days it's harder to follow through on things that she says she does; that at the end of the day off comes the mask, the door gets shut on work. There's so much more to consider.] I think better at night, following with the Inquisition's position currently means I'm staying in so as not to cause a scene even if the chance of being seen late is low. [Sidesteps it. Mostly.]

Knowing him, he probably has given that some thought. I'll try to gently ask him about that. If he wouldn't want to be alone, I can at least be there. [She was there for Asher, for Sina...how can she not want to do the same for Thane? However much it hurts, it's more important that he'll have a friendly face at his side, if he wants one.]

Don't worry, kadan. I'm not going to be reckless, not about that. I've seen what it does, and that's not a fate I want anything to do with, trust me.
[Aside from abomination and saarebas, that shares the top tier of fates that she will avoid at all costs.]

Then it's a good thing I'm more of a night owl myself, isn't it? [She's onto you, kadan.] And I can understand not wanting to cause a scene, but that doesn't mean private venting can't happen. We may not be able to get away as much as before, but if you really need to blow off steam somewhere else, you know I'm willing to kidnap you or be kidnapped. Mutual kidnapping.

That's all you can do, sometimes. I'm just-- I'm sorry you've had to see it so much. [To think that when she was off guiding nobles to safety in the Winter Palace (no, don't, don't think that, it doesn't help) so she takes a deep breath. Uncurls her hands over her papers.]

Just remember I'll hold you to that. [Does she sound like she's teasing? She's trying, please believer that she really is trying right now because the last few months have been either getting the legs kicked out from one of them or constantly dodging that. It's quite frankly exhausting at this point.

Sighing quietly, Araceli could point out that her hours are more erratic than night owl, that she shuts the office door and sleeps during the afternoon as she would through the hottest part of a Castilean day, habits to entrenched to break now.] Maybe one day when things aren't likely to explode here, I don't want to let Madame de Cedoux down. [A soft admission, followed by one she feels a little guilty for making. Or for waiting so long to make. Maybe it's good Korrin can't see her face, she'd know Araceli's tell for flustered when she says the next bit.] It'd be like letting Leandra down.

Things are always on the verge of exploding. [Said dryly. It's Kirkwall's national past-time, even before the Inquisition got there.] I think it'll be a bigger shock when we wake up to a day where that's not the case. But if that ever happens, you better believe I'll take that opportunity and run with it. You take a lot on your shoulders, kadan. I'm proud of all that you've done and will do, it's not like I'd ever discourage that. I just want to make sure you have a moment here and there to breathe. If Madame de Cedoux is as reasonable as I've been told, she'd surely agree.

[When they're fighting a war with high stakes for them all, that's really the most they can expect.]

Thank you, kadan. It's painful, but it helps to hear your voice, and I'll get through this. I just hope I don't run out of space for memorial tattoos, at some point.

Do you want to meet at the baths when it's quieter? Something tells me your muscles could use a good soak as much as mine. [Soaking and backrubs and oils afterward, that will make the day suck a little less.]

Imagine if through enough work that stopped being the case. [Lay it out in front of you, stretch it out as if it's fabric in need of drying, a problem to be picked at, a plan that has so many moving parts. It can work, her heart says, her mind says it too, only softer, it's the one busy with the problems, unfortunately so many of those problems are people, and too many of them go under the banner of the Inquisition, a reluctance to play the part because they don't think there's a part to be played at all.] Things have to be given up in order for a greater thing to come to pass, I don't mind that, I just didn't expect her to remind me of...of as much as I'm reminded of.

[Duty. Her place; behind to one side, her hands folded just so, head inclined politely. How easy we forget ourselves in comfortable routine.]

Tattoos are a map of where we've been, what touches our lives, shapes us. Some people I see at home are all ink. No skin left. It's life. The baths sound good though, I can stay later here and let you know when most of the people are gone?

[Her voice softens.] I hope it's not too painful for you, kadan, being reminded. If it is, you can still tell me. I told you I'd always listen and I mean that.

It'd be nice to feel like we're doing more than just treading water, that's for sure. [The Dragon Age was supposed to be one of great upheaval and they aren't even halfway through it. Lasting peace is probably too much to hope for, but she loves that Araceli never stops trying to make the world more liveable. Who is she to discourage?]

I don't know if I'd ever go all-ink; I still need to see myself in the mirror, not just a map. But I still have plenty of room left before it starts to get crowded.

Good, I'll be waiting. We can soak and talk...or not talk at all. [Not said in a suggestive way either, though she certainly won't mind if that's where it goes. Sometimes, words aren't needed and it's just enough to be together.]

Sometimes to miss a person this way is a good thing and to find a part of her here, some reflection of her is [a pause as Araceli considers the right word to use] I don't mind it. I can do my job better. And she knows.

[So there's that too.]

You've lived here all your life, thinking of it changing must be harder so perhaps it's the advantage some of us bring to the table by being from elsewhere. But talking would be good without other people around.

ooc: inbox/plot with me

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