[Something that isn't entirely anger leaves Araceli flushing hot, a thing she can examine later when Korrin's asleep in her arms and she's running her fingers through her hair or over the skin at the base of her horns but maybe she's affronted. Trying too hard to swallow her gall. Hurting. She knows what it is to be made to feel small and less and what someone else thinks you are but it wasn't quite the same but it churns hot and sick in her all the same and she almost drops the fork with a clatter for Korrin's hand, needing to squeeze tight.
You're not, but the words don't come out because she'll say them later when it might tip everything over, you won't ever be that, you're a person like everyone, you're so much more, people here and afar love you, and I love you.]
There's gambling. Agreeing to help sailors get things moved so they'll put in a good word for me or to pitch in with repairs. Running around with papers because I'm still helping teach the girl I do have for that who to go to for everything. [How strange it is to be the one to say 'do this', even palace servants didn't need to listen to the queensguard all the time unless it was related to security.
Picking up her fork again, Araceli finishes her meal and her drink to give herself time to word what she wants to say gently in light of what Korrin's just said.]
Sirena you know what people will say if you do that. What they might do. And I know you don't care, or- or that you say you don't care what they think and I love you that you can live your life that way but I care. And I don't want them to think awful things about you because you're hurting and that's how it comes out. If someone goes to the Inquisition and someone in the Inquisition used it against you because they don't like mercenaries, or free mages, or Vashoth, or some combination of those things - people who don't know you. Who'll only see what they want to see. [The words spill out faster than she can catch them, not as neat as she wants them, not like the last time there was a speech like this when it was about Anders, when it wasn't nearly so personal and when the stakes weren't so high. Maybe Araceli's too aware of it all but some of them in Kirkwall need to know how they must look to everyone and worry about it.] Please come home if it's bad. Or find me. Or send a message. I don't care where I am or what hour it is or what I'm doing, I love you.
[Is it cheating, to untuck her dragon's tooth warmed from her skin and to lean forward so she can take Korrin's hand wearing the ring she had made and close it in it? Well she doesn't care, you play the hand you're dealt and this is hers.]
no subject
You're not, but the words don't come out because she'll say them later when it might tip everything over, you won't ever be that, you're a person like everyone, you're so much more, people here and afar love you, and I love you.]
There's gambling. Agreeing to help sailors get things moved so they'll put in a good word for me or to pitch in with repairs. Running around with papers because I'm still helping teach the girl I do have for that who to go to for everything. [How strange it is to be the one to say 'do this', even palace servants didn't need to listen to the queensguard all the time unless it was related to security.
Picking up her fork again, Araceli finishes her meal and her drink to give herself time to word what she wants to say gently in light of what Korrin's just said.]
Sirena you know what people will say if you do that. What they might do. And I know you don't care, or- or that you say you don't care what they think and I love you that you can live your life that way but I care. And I don't want them to think awful things about you because you're hurting and that's how it comes out. If someone goes to the Inquisition and someone in the Inquisition used it against you because they don't like mercenaries, or free mages, or Vashoth, or some combination of those things - people who don't know you. Who'll only see what they want to see. [The words spill out faster than she can catch them, not as neat as she wants them, not like the last time there was a speech like this when it was about Anders, when it wasn't nearly so personal and when the stakes weren't so high. Maybe Araceli's too aware of it all but some of them in Kirkwall need to know how they must look to everyone and worry about it.] Please come home if it's bad. Or find me. Or send a message. I don't care where I am or what hour it is or what I'm doing, I love you.
[Is it cheating, to untuck her dragon's tooth warmed from her skin and to lean forward so she can take Korrin's hand wearing the ring she had made and close it in it? Well she doesn't care, you play the hand you're dealt and this is hers.]